“Why must people kneel down to pray?
If I really wanted to pray I’ll tell you what I'd do.
I'd go out into a great big field all alone or in the deep, deep woods and I'd look up into the sky—up—up—up—into that lovely blue sky that looks as if there was no end to its blueness.
And then I'd just feel a prayer.”
If you didn't know, growing up, Anne Shirley was a hero of mine. She was passionate, talented, brave, vulnerable, smart, & romantic. She was also an orphan, "ugly", stubborn, temperamental, melodramatic, and out-spoken. A flawed heroine. In her early years she was orphaned and left to fend mostly for herself in homes of over-committed families and bare-bones orphanages. But, Anne made the best of the imperfect life that she had been given. She read and she imagined and she remained true to herself. Eventually she found the love and friendships that she so desperately wanted in a community that was unaccustomed to the "Anne's" of the world.
Like Anne, sometimes all I want to do is "feel a prayer". Sometimes my thoughts are so mixed up that I have trouble organizing a prayer that I think is acceptable to God, that I think he will hear & answer. And while I am comforted to know that God knows the deepest, most secret parts of me, He doesn't need (or want) a formulated regurgitation of words or phrases from me. He wants me. All of me. He already knows what I need before I even ask (Matt 6:8) and He is offering me the mercy and grace I desire - all I have to do is ask for it.
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven,[a] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)
Sometimes being still and quiet is enough... Sometimes feeling a prayer is what my soul needs, but I know I'm going to need more than feelings to get through these next few years... through this thing called "life". I would love to hear how you make time for studying God's word (and especially how you do/did it with young children).
Positives:
- God is faithful. In the midst of every challenge I have faced God has met me with peace and answered prayer.
- My Grandmother and Aunt Patty came to visit! They helped me in so many ways - unpacking boxes, setting up the kid's shared bedroom (they brought the crib and Josh put it together), hanging pictures, ironing and laundry, cleaning rugs, playing with Bowen, walking the dogs, etc. Just having them here for a few days was nice - sharing coffee, laughing, solving problems, and working side by side.
Challenges:
- Dogs: last weekend our dogs got out of our fence and were gone for about 6 hours. Because both Truman and Reagan had on collars with new tags and their electric fence collars (Josh manually put in an invisible fence because both dogs are escape artists) I wasn't too concerned at first. Bowen & I prayed together while Josh went to look for them in his car. As an hour turned into 2 and then 3 I really began to panic. Not only are these dogs our family, but I also began to feel the weight of EVERYTHING that has happened in the past 6 weeks come crashing down on me. I cried for like 4 hours straight - seriously undignified weeping... BUT God was faithful in the midst of my fear & 2 separate, good Samaritans found the dogs and returned them to us. It was a good opportunity to teach Bowen about answered prayer and about what to do if he ever gets lost (find a policeman).
- Being tired & learning to ask for help: we are all tired. Josh is working up to 12 hours each day & then "on call" once/twice a week. I am not sleeping well (stress, anxiety, hormones) and am "on call" 24/7 as a mom. I know how stressed and tired Josh is so I try to make things easier on him by doing most of the house- and kid-stuff myself. I can do this for a few days and then I need help, but I'm not really good at asking for what I need... So, you could be in prayer for me in this area. We need to find a balance - balancing our use of technology, our time, and our shared responsibilities of raising children. We also need to find some time to spend together without children. No free babysitters here :)
Love from Louisville,
M
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